So overwhelmed.. Mive anxiety.. What can I do?

As difficult as it might be, you MUST reach out to a professional for help. You have many issues, but, you can be helped and life can get better. It helps to keep your relationships as stable as possible; sometimes an active life can complicate matters--particularly where there is a history of abuse and trauma. There are many medications that can be tried, too. Because you reacted poorly to the medicine you were on, a competent physician can try others. The main thing is don't give up! Perhaps there is a kindly person in your life you can speak to. This would be in addition to the professional help. Every little thing counts. Good luck and God bless!!